


But mum, there's a tear every time that I blink

by littlelooneyluna



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Bring tissues, Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Gen, M/M, Memories, mother's day fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-11
Updated: 2018-03-11
Packaged: 2019-03-29 22:18:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13936572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlelooneyluna/pseuds/littlelooneyluna
Summary: Robert struggles on Mother's Day this year.





	But mum, there's a tear every time that I blink

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Mother's Day guys, I couldn't resist writing a little something!

 

 

The first thing he feels when he wakes up is Aaron's arms wrapped tightly around him. He's doing that thing again where he presses his face so far into Robert's back that he's wondering how Aaron can actually breathe.

Robert's eyes flicker and for a second he smiles against him and then he remembers the dream he had.

It was a soft sort of one.

He was younger than he is now, sitting on the steps of this cottage and looking up towards the garden.

His mum was there, just folding away clothes and then putting some more on the washing line as he watched her. He was in absolute awe of her just like he was when he was younger.

This superwoman, this amazing person who came and scooped him up and wouldn't let him go.

Loved him, so much, so dearly.

His heart seems to lodge into place a little and he gulps hard, shuts his eyes and sees the outline of her frame again. It's so sunny, in his dream, that he cannot actually see her face properly. She's standing there, apron on and humming like she used to and she's just soaking up the sun like this beautiful beam of light.

The rays catch her hair, illuminate the tips and his eyes flicker just a little as he opens them again and feels Aaron bury his face even closer towards him.

Robert turns towards his cuddly bear of a husband and then looks towards Aaron's bedside table. There's a card there for Chas, Robert supposes, he can see Aaron's scrawny little writing and the pink envelope. He supposes that he'll have to get her some flowers and want to go over and spend time with her.

Robert thinks about going to see his mum, he knows that Vic will want to and she'll guilt trip him into going for Andy as well.

He clears his throat suddenly, presses a hand on Aaron's shoulder and starts stroking gently. He finds a gentle sort of solace in Aaron. He probably always will because he's _Aaron_ , and he's this soft beefy bloke who won't let go of him even like this.

Aaron won't let go.

He won't.

Robert presses his face down onto Aaron's hair and relishes in its pillow like softness before the younger man is wriggling against him and placing a hand on Robert chest to try and stir him awake.

Once Aaron is up. Everyone else has to be up apparently.

"You alright?" Aaron wipes at his eyes and frowns and it's been approximately five seconds but he already senses something in Robert and then he gulps hard. "Rob?"

Robert just nods his head a little, moves the covers up so that they're covering them both better.

"Want Seb to spend the day with Rebecca." He croaks out, and Aaron's eyes flicker before he nods himself. "He should be with his mum today. So should you."

And he's not meant to be sounding miserable or anything.

But Aaron sits up in the bed a little and then comes towards him, just wraps his arms around Robert and it's so unlike Aaron to be this active when he's first woken up but Robert will take it.

He'll take the way Aaron just can't help but show him _comfort_ and _care_ and attempt to ease his suffering however he can.

When Aaron moves away, his eyes are a little red and Robert knows that he's probably looking paler too.

"I'm fine." Robert half lies.

He's not _fine_. He's got this gaping hole inside of him which is ripped open today and can't be healed.

It just can't be.

Aaron presses his forehead against Robert's, he's still showing all this tenderness and Robert doesn't deserve it.

"Do you want me to send Seb over? And then we could go visit your mum." The way Robert tenses tells him it's not a good idea. "Or we could just -"

Robert waves a hand out. "Aaron don't pander to me, I'm - I'm just feeling sorry for himself. That's all." He gulps hard. "You were going over for lunch at the pub today weren't you."

Aaron frowns. " _We_ were." He says, hands flying into Robert's and squeezing tight. "If you don't want to then we won't -"

Robert scoffs a little, pulling his hand out of Aaron's so that he can touch his face. "Don't be silly." He whispers. "You go. I've got work to catch up on."

And Aaron doesn't buy that. "On a Sunday?"

Robert's eyes flicker. "On a Sunday." He whispers, and Aaron sighs hard, he mentions how Liv has gone back to visit Sandra for the day despite not really wanting to. It's meant to make Robert realise that he shouldn't be all alone but Robert shrugs against it. "I'll be fine." He says, slides out of Aaron's grip when he hears Seb moaning on the baby monitor. "Probably wants his mum."

Aaron frowns, turns his body around. "Wants _you_ more like." He tries to reassure, but Robert's already walking towards the spare room and shuddering against the cold of the house in nothing but his boxers.

~*~

The house _is_ unnaturally quiet.

Robert's got his laptop open but nothing is being written and the files he has seem to be sorted out just fine. He over analysed everything this morning and now he's got nothing to do.

He sits back against the sofa and dares to look at the message from Vic. She's asking if he's already gone to see mum today and he lies to her. He says he went in the morning and she only texts back 'Okay' - probably pissed at him.

Robert thinks of Seb suddenly and wants him in his arms. He dropped him round Rebecca's and made this massive deal out of it all.

But she didn't know that it was even Sunday let alone Mother's Day. She seemed overwhelmed and dazed and Robert couldn't help but feel disappointed in the lack of happiness in her voice about having Seb with her.

She bounced him up and down in her arms for a few minutes and then he was back in his pram and she was talking about them both having a little nap together.

Robert didn't argue with her.

At least Seb got to be with his mum today. That seemed to trump the state his mum was in.

Robert twists at his wedding ring the way Aaron does usually and then gets a text from him.

_'Mum's made some terrible lunch, there's some for you if you have a minute to come down? X'_

Robert thinks about going over, he thinks about seeing the flowers Chas got today. Heck even the flowers Charity may have got and he just shakes his head against it, tells Aaron he's got too much work to do.

And then he's standing, pulling his coat on and walking to where he should have gone earlier.

~*~

Her headstone is still one which makes his heart leap a little.

It's beautiful, yet so tainted with so much misery that he can't help but cry when he sees it.

He keeps the tears in, holds them close because the thought of breaking down like this in the middle of the day is something he can't bare.

He's got a bunch of roses, smiles at the headstone before he crouches down and rubs at the dirt forming.

"Hi mum." Robert says, gulps hard. "I - bought you some flowers. Daffodils. You liked them didn't you?"

And it's a horrible sort of question.

It's one that screams, I don't actually remember if you liked them as much as I tell myself you do.

And that _aches_.

"They're from Andy as well. He'd want to be here but, well you know. He can't be can he?" Robert shuffles a little and leans a hand out to hold the cold stone. "Seb's with Rebecca, I thought today that would be for the best. Aaron's even with his mum. So is Liv. I didn't know if I should come here too but, I couldn't _not_ see you. No matter how much it hurts."

And it _hurts_.

To see his mother reduced to _this_ when she was so much _more_.

He shudders against how awful it feels and then he feels a hand on his shoulder.

And gurgling.

"Tell me to go, and I'll go." It's Aaron's voice, and when he looks up he's got Seb on his hip like some sort of pro.

Robert frowns up at them, eyes reddening against all his emotion. "What are you doing here?"

Aaron bites his lip. "Rebecca was asleep, and he wasn't. Instead of him just laying there I thought he could spend the rest of his day with you. Visiting his nanny I suppose."

Robert tries to smile faintly and then he nods like he's telling Aaron it's okay to sit down beside him.

Aaron passes Seb over slowly and Robert catches him in his arms with ease before turning his little body towards the grave. "This is my mum, she's not here, she can't give you cuddles like me and mummy and Aaron do but - she'd want to."

He feels this wave of something hurt him and he suddenly presses Seb closer towards his chest and holds him tightly.

Aaron just watches from where he is sitting and rubs a hand over Robert's back until the older man looks up.

"Every year, it gets _harder_. She doesn't see that - that I turned my life around. She doesn't see that I have you back and I've got a son now. She doesn't know him." Robert has a tear falling down his face and Seb reaches towards his face and starts to wriggle.

Aaron sniffs, wipes at his own face and nods. "Of course she knows. She's looking down on ya and she's so proud Rob, I bet."

Robert drops his head again and then Aaron leans closer towards him so that Seb is sort of laying in between the both of them.

"I miss her _so_ much." Robert says, and of course it's Aaron he's breaking down like this with. There's no one else in the world who seems to listen and comfort him the way Aaron does so willingly.

Aaron pulls Robert closer to him and kisses him gently on the head.

There's not a lot to say, and Seb starts to wriggle so Aaron takes him back and somehow manages to settle him in his arms.

"You're so good with him. She would have loved that. She would have loved you." Robert watches Aaron blush against the praise and then he smiles.

"Tell me more about her." Aaron wills, a hand on Robert's thigh.

He knows some things, he knows the Robert is a credit to her and that she was a good cook, caring mother, loving wife until things went wrong.

Robert sighs. "She was really funny." He squints like he's remembering. "Like, whenever I was sad or getting myself stuck down things or -" Aaron snorts. "She'd _always_ have a joke to tell me, to make me smile again. Always." He smiles faintly and is overwhelmed again that Aaron's managed to make him smile today.

"I was lucky to have her. To have the memories I have." Robert whispers, leans his head against Aaron's and tickles Seb's stomach, hears him giggle.

"Yeah. Today makes me realise how lucky I am to have mum. Despite how annoying she is." Aaron says quickly before sighing. "We're lucky to have you." He looks down at Seb and then back at Robert.

"I'm so in love with you, Mr Sugden." Robert whispers, cups Aaron's face as he speaks.

Aaron seems taken aback and nods slowly. "Mr Dingle." He smiles out and then he's kissing Robert slowly.

Everything miserable seems to die away and the sun comes out suddenly.

It shines directly down onto them, glows the headstone a little and makes Robert's mouth hang open a little because he's taking this as a sign that she's still looking out for them.

"Love you mum." Robert whispers, kisses at the cold stone and Aaron bends Seb a little so that his little hand touches the headstone too. He smiles widely at it as if he knows the meaning behind its significance.

Robert smiles, watches the sun still shine on them as Seb starts babbling to himself and Aaron rubs at his back lovingly the whole way home.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought!


End file.
